Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
