True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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