What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
