I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
