Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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