Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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