well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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