Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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