shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We need to get me chipped asap
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
