so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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