How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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