Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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