is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
