im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
