grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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