Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
