I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
