Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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