Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
