T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
