I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
