i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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