Got a toothbrush?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
