did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
