He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
