Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
