I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
