Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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