Define "chronic" masturbator.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
