when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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