When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
