9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
