dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
