This house was built for laser tag.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
