i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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