I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's the barista slut.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
