i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
