Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can I color on your dick again?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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