How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
