Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
