So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
