I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
