Where is the hickey?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
