Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
