either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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