i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
