Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
