the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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