I'm lost and stupid without you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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