Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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