new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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