He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
