i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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