Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
