ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And then he peed in my hair
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