my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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