I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize