You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
