this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
