Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
