IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I currently don't understand fingers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
