How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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