Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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