Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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