So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
