Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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