just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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