It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize