I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
